Dom Sub Devotion Episode 80: “Men, I Believe You, I Believe In You” — Traver Boehm on Masculinity, Grief, and the Power of the Dark

We don’t talk about this enough:

Most men are in pain.

Not the kind you can see from the outside.

Not the kind you can explain in one neat sentence.

But the kind that hides beneath the surface.

The kind that gets numbed with distraction, performance, or quiet resignation.

And underneath all of it—rage, distance, shutdown, overwork, addiction, control—

there’s something simple.

Something sacred.

A man with a broken heart who never got the space to grieve. 

As Traver says in this episode...no one wants to ask, no one really wants to know "what happened to that boy?"

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In this week’s episode of the Dom Sub Devotion podcast, I sat down with Traver Boehm, the founder of the Uncivilized Men’s Movement. What unfolded was one of the most real, raw, and powerful conversations I’ve ever had about what it means to be a man today.

Traver’s story is not one of perfection.

It’s one of collapse, heartbreak, and the decision to rise anyway.

It’s one of hearing a man say, “I’ve never told anyone this before” and holding space for that moment with reverence.

He’s a man who feels.

And because he feels, he leads.

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The Lie We’ve Been Sold 

There’s a quiet epidemic happening behind the scenes of modern masculinity.

We’ve trained men to believe that numbness is strength.

That still showing up for work while your marriage is falling apart means you’re “handling it.”

That if you’re sensitive, you’re weak.

But here’s the truth:

Men are some of the most sensitive beings on this planet. 

We just built walls around our hearts so early that we forgot what it felt like to be open.

That’s not failure.

That’s survival.

But survival isn’t the same thing as living.

And if you’re reading this, chances are some part of you is ready to stop surviving and start feeling again.

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You’re Allowed to Break 

There’s a moment every man comes to—when the tools he’s been using to cope finally stop working.

The porn isn’t satisfying anymore.

The job doesn’t matter like it used to.

The woman you love is drifting further away.

And deep inside, a voice starts whispering:

Something has to break. 

Not your life. Not your relationship.

You. 

The idea of you.

The performance.

The armor.

You don’t need to wait until you lose everything.

You don’t need to wait until the pain becomes unbearable.

You can choose to break open on purpose.

That’s what Traver has done. Again and again.

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The Courage to Feel 

In our conversation, Traver said something that hit me hard:

“You think you’re tough? Take the walls down around your heart for a day. That’s the real work.” 

And he’s right.

Any man can push through pain.

It takes a different kind of man to feel through it.

To not numb it. To not hide from it.

But to sit in it.

To let it change you.

This isn’t weakness.

This is power in its purest form.

The kind of power that doesn’t dominate, but transforms.

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A Third Person in the Room 

When a man finally says out loud, “I’ve never told anyone this before,” something sacred happens.

There’s a third presence in the room.

The divine.

The soul.

The truth.

And in that moment, when someone else meets your pain with reverence instead of shame, something unlocks.

That’s the medicine.

That’s what we need more of in this world.

Not more judgment.

Not more fixing.

Just someone who believes you. 

And someone who believes in you. 

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This Is the Work 

You want to lead in your relationship?

Start by leading yourself out of numbness.

You want to hold a woman through her storms?

Start by holding your own.

You want to build a life that’s real, erotic, wild, and grounded?

Start by letting yourself be human.

You don’t need to be perfect.

You just need to be willing.

Willing to feel.

Willing to fall apart.

Willing to rebuild with your heart intact.

That’s not soft.

That’s not weak.

That’s a man.

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If this post resonated with you, listen to the full conversation on the podcast. It’s one of the most important ones I’ve ever recorded. And if no one’s told you in a long time:

I believe you. I believe in you. 

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🎧 Listen to the episode: 

“I Believe You, I Believe In You” — with Traver Boehm

🎧 Watch on YouTube: 

“I Believe You, I Believe In You” — with Traver Boehm

📖 Preorder Traver’s new book: 

28 Days in Darkness 

📲 Follow along on Instagram: 

@_infinitedevotion | @traverboehm

🌐 More teachings & resources: 

infinitedevotion.com